Crossing the Bridge of Dreams.

It’s good to dream.  A dream can be anything you want it to be, as your mind takes you to a place of endless possibilities and infinite destinies.

It can be an imaginary world that you visit from time to time. You enjoy it for that moment and are happy to keep it as a pleasurable reverie.

However, your dream may involve fulfilling aspirations and visualising your future. If this is true for you, your  desire to turn the fantasy into reality needs to be strong enough to manage the transition. Change is never easy and it will involve leaving behind the familiar whilst moving towards the unknown. You have to cross the bridge of dreams.

“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” Gloria Steinem

What has begun in the imagination will need to be transformed into actuality. You need a plan and plenty of passion to navigate your path. Whilst the road you have come from is routine and comfortable the bridge of dreams will cross you over into new and exhilarating territory.

A word of warning – beware of those who tread on your dreams. In the past I have had my hopes crushed. It happened so much that I stopped dreaming on any level. Life was about survival and to believe that good things could come to me was delusional. It took me a long time to realise that those who’d suppressed my desires had been damaged themselves. So now, I can allow myself to dream. That’s a good place to be.

If you want to cross your bridge of dreams you don’t have to do it alone. Share your aspirations with those who can support, motivate and inspire you along the way.

Remember there is no right or wrong way of reaching the other side. Run, skip, hop, jump, fly! It doesn’t matter how you reach the other side, only that you get there.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Following your dreams isn’t a passive past time. If it was, then everyone would be living ‘happily ever after’. There may be set backs and distractions. The original short-term goal may be replaced with a long-term life plan. Whatever the vision, it can require a combination of determination, courage, faith, and strength.

But isn’t it worth the effort? I think so.

What about you? When will you be crossing the bridge of dreams?

“Crossing the Bridge of Dreams” was inspired by a comment left by Jenny Alexander on ‘Why me? Why not me?’Thank you Jenny!

Images thanks to Sascalia

The Uniqueness of You.

How do you answer this question? ‘Who are you?’  Do you answer it with a smile and confidently enthuse about your qualities and talents? Or do you hesitate to list your positive traits and feel more comfortable pointing out your shortcomings? How about ‘What do you like?’ Do you respond assertively with a list of your interests and passions? Or do you give a vague idea of generic activities?

The way you reply may well depend on your level of self-confidence and of being able to appreciate your uniqueness.

Everyone is unique. Your individuality goes beyond DNA, gender, heritage or upbringing. It’s the complete package from when you are conceived to the present day that makes you distinct from any other human being. And that’s amazing. Or it should be.

Whilst some people can acknowledge differences in themselves and others with ease, many are consumed with comparing themselves to others. Of course there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel accepted or to wanting to be a valued as part of a larger group. In balance, that’s a healthy way to live. But comparison and pressure to conform can lead to unrealistic expectations of how you should be living your life and a rejection of your authentic self.

From childhood and then later on as an adolescent, my insecurities about being different led to a long battle with depression and alcoholism. Without a significant female presence in my life, it was the man I knew as my father who had been influential in shaping my self-worth. A psychiatrist once described him as having ‘an authoritarian personality with a Machiavellian personality, and a pure misogynist with sadistic tendencies.’ I represented everything he despised so not surprisingly I ended up hating myself to the point of suicidal self destruct.

As an adult there were no boundaries to how much I disliked myself. I could look at myself in a mirror but I was unable to make sense of the image. I looked like ‘nothing’. Similarly, I felt ‘nothing’.  Of course I drank and medicated myself numb, but even when I wasn’t intoxicated I could switch myself off like a light. For those around me, it looked like I was there. But I wasn’t.

One of my biggest challenges to healing was to learn to value myself. It was excruciatingly difficult to even begin to make sense of the person I was, let alone appreciate that being. Gradually though I started to respect my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs. With support and renewed faith I was able to confront my misconceptions of the person that I judged myself to be. The characteristics that had defined me, no longer had meaning or power over me.

The emergence of my unique self continues each day. All I seek is to be the person I was meant to be. For me that’s enough.

Is your uniqueness enough for you? 
Top image thanks to Georgia Visacri

Why me? Why not me?

Life can be tough. It can bring disappointment, frustration, pain and adversity. When it does, ‘Why me?’ is a natural question to ask. It’s a healthy response to a state of affairs that we weren’t expecting or circumstances over which we have no control.

We’ve all had those days when things seem to go wrong ~ we oversleep, run late because we can’t find the car keys, drop coffee over the laptop, snap at a colleague, send a personal email to all your contacts instead of only a best friend.  And all it takes is one more incident to make us think ‘Why me?’ Usually we can can accept it as ‘just one of those days’ and are able to take it in our stride without too much anguish.

Then there are those days when we feel overwhelmed by an ongoing situation and we ask ourselves ‘Why me?’ out of a sense of despair. A broken heart, a long-term illness, an unexpected redundancy, bereavement. Any significant life change will result in a transition that we would rather not make, yet there is no option but to respond. Grieving or loss may naturally include a stage when we ask ‘Why me?’ but with time we come to accept the situation and are able to live ‘normally’.

‘Why me’ becomes detrimental though when it becomes the basis of thinking. In the past, it locked me into a victim mentality from which it became increasingly harder to escape. Instead of having positive thoughts and expecting the best, ‘Why me?’ dragged me into a negative spiral of expecting the worst. It kept me in the role of a victim whose life was disintegrating through depression and alcoholism. Additionally, it was preventing me from gaining the strength and wisdom that comes from recovering from tragedy and trauma.

There were times when I thought life would never be bearable. I remember sitting with a psychiatric nurse shortly after I had attempted suicide. It was quite a ‘pity party’! I wailed as I recounted how my unloving mother had left me and then declared me as dead, how my cruel father had abused and neglected me, how I’d been bullied incessantly at school because of my appearance, how my relationships had failed, how I’d lost my job, home, possessions. And to top it all I was in the grip of depression and alcoholism. There was no end to my sorrows.

I wanted the nurse to feed my pity with consolation and sympathy. He didn’t. His response was to remind me that I was fortunate to be alive and that I lived in a world where life was tough for others too.

It took me a while but eventually I understood what he had said. As I began to heal I initially felt ashamed and embarrassed at my selfishness and arrogance. What was so different about me that I should escape tribulations? Nothing. I also realised that my mentality could shift dramatically when something good happened. I could embrace a positive experience with excitement and gratitude. Never would I query it with ‘Why me?’ because I believed that I too deserved blessings.

And so began my first steps from victim to survivor. From ‘Why me? to ‘Why not me?’ From feeling powerless to changing anything to believing that I had the strength to take responsibility for everything. Of course there continues to be highs and lows but I no longer consider what is missing, instead I choose to appreciate what is present. I am grateful for it all.

So what about you?  What are you thinking today? Is it ‘Why me?’ or Why not me?

Enjoy life’s precious journey.

Life is a precious. Yet we can so easily forget to enjoy the journey. Caught up in the fast pace of a daily existence, we focus on our problems whilst we dream of the promise of a better tomorrow.

When life was tough for me I would contemplate on how happy I would be ‘When’. ‘When’ I got a better job. ‘When’ I had money. ‘When’ I got married. The list was endless. And even now that I am generally contented with my life I can still slip into thinking similar misconceptions of how amazing I will feel ‘When.’ ‘When I’ve lost weight’. ‘When I’ve published my book.’ But the reality is that those things may not happen, or when they do happen they may disappoint because of unrealistic expectations.

But I can make the decision to stop wasting valuable time worrying over the future or fretting over the past because I’m not in control of either.
What is stopping me from enjoying the here and now? Nothing! 

Everyone, no matter who you are can enjoy life’s precious journey. I know because I spent years escaping from life by numbing my physical and emotional self with alcohol and struggling with the soul-destroying effects of depression. I hated myself. I hated my life. But it was at the point of losing my life that I realised just how finite it could be. The miracle of a second chance gave me the insight to appreciate the gift of healing, which bought with it freedom to love myself. And to love life.

Having gratitude and not taking life for granted is important. Life is short. We never know when our days will be ended – so why not celebrate life while we have it?

It doesn’t take a monumental event to make a day special. Grand occasions are wonderful but so too are what I call ‘miracle moments.’ Witnessing a vibrant rainbow after the rain, the comforting smell of baking, watching your innocent child play make-believe, hearing an evocative piece of music – any little event that helps us connect with our authentic self.

As I start each morning I can decide to make the best of the day. If it doesn’t go as well as I had hoped or planned then that is all part of the journey too. But then God willing, there will be tomorrow and the rest of my journey to enjoy.

Top image ‘The Journey’ thanks to Amber Church. http://www.etsy.com/listing/101235759/limited-edition-giclee-mixed-media-art